WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
