I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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