I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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