If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
