I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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