Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
