I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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