No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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