I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
