Is it normal to miss your booty call?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
