People with herpes should wear stickers.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
