Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
