that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
