You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
