I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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