3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
