sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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