you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
