dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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