Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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