Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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