I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't deserve a penis
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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