The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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