just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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