My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
