Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize