doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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