I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
