Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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