I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
