there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
