He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How does one acquire holy water?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
