i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
