Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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