This house was built for laser tag.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize