I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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