I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
