i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
