its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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