i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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