Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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