hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
