i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
