No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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