hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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