Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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