a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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