Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
