your thong is hanging out like whoa
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
