what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
