So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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