Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
