Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
