Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
