My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
