New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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