even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
