It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
