Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
