the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just googled if crying burns calories
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
