his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
