i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
