how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
