I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
