i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
