that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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