is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
