Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize