Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
