I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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