Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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