hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and she was petting her beer can
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The power of my boobs compel you
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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