update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize