two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
